Art is supposed to trigger strong emotions, I suppose, but the reason why my eyes filled with tears during an open day for part time art courses is because I suddenly thought that I had to choose between art and science.
I have been thinking about my choice of studies and consequently careers more often: I always had an inclination for maths and science, but I ended up studying languages not because I wanted to but because it seemed the only option I had after high school*. Luckily, I loved and still love languages, and I was able to make a career out of it for about a decade. Then I decided I was fed up with the industry, and went back to college to study first computer science, then statistics. I ended up changing industry, and currently I work in a tech company, but I’m not doing anything related to my most recent studies.
But again I have been wondering what would have happened if I had known what I wanted** at the time to start college at 18, and maybe if I had some guidance: I could have been an engineer, an architect, a computer programmer, a fashion designer… But as we say, if my grandma had wheels, she would have been a wheelbarrow.
Before the pandemic, and before cancer, I had some plans: finish my master, get myself a job in big data, keep moving ahead in my career, grow as a people’s manager, etc. etc. I wrote extensively in my other blog on how my life was just on a break, but as soon as this was all over, I would have picked it up where I left, and I did for some things. I got myself a new job, but it has nothing to do with data nor as a manager. And it’s fine.
I’ve been exploring more my creative side, not only crafts, but drawing again. And design. Last summer I did a course in fashion design, very practical where I learned to draft my own pattern (did I draft any yet, of course not), and I also splurged on an iPad and Procreate. I felt confident enough in my skills to open a cross-stitch pattern shop, even if it was partially driven by existential dread. And I’ve been eyeing at uni courses, mostly in AI/Machine Learning because I finished the MSc. in 2020, and free time and a social life clearly appeals me less than assignments and exams.
I don’t have a child and Lucy’s lack of opposable thumbs makes it impossible to live out my unfulfilled dreams through anyone else but me. And with a lots of dreams to fulfil, I seem willing to collect a series of degrees while not using them to pursue a career related to those studies. I find myself with a conundrum now: going to art school or find a course to brush up the sciency stuff?
And that’s how I ended up almost crying at an open day of an art school.
For once, however, my brain didn’t try to convince me I am not talented enough to go to art school. And I haven’t felt too old either: I was pleasantly surprised to see many people even older than me. There’s always time.
And it made me realise that art is a process. I have often being frustrated at myself because I just can’t take out my ideas from my brain and put them on paper or fabric with a snap of my fingers: these courses are based around the investigation that leads to produce a piece of art.
I like that.
It seems like a no-brainer to apply for this, but my brain unfortunately is also saying art is an hobby, get yourself solving some derivates, and stop eating avocado otherwise you’ll never own an house. No, really, it’s not saying this. That’s some boomer shite.
It is saying however that if you commit four years on art school, you’ll have to give up your dream of PhD in sciency stuff.
I’ll now go back to my pondering, and finish this post with a quote from a friend who listened to everything I just wrote here: “You know you can do what you want, even both?”
*I studied at the Liceo Linguistico: Liceo in Italy is a type of high school that’s meant to prepare you for uni, and my curriculum was in languages. Again, not because I actively chose it, but more for a series of coincidences.
**Problem is at the tender age of 41, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
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